Here is my explanation of the lower reaches of the Eurovision 2016 scoreboard, from Germany in 26th place to Cyprus in 21st. Some results are easy to understand; others are rather harder to forgive.
26th to 21st: Eurovision 2016 results explained
26th: Germany — 11 points
This is one of the easier explanations I will have to give this year. It really is that bad: a song of no quality, sung by someone the televoters laughed at because she looked “quirky”. How about writing a decent song first rather than going for a look?
25th: Czech Republic — 41 points
And from one of the easiest explanations to one of the most complicated. This looked and sounded great, and the 41 points show that the juries thought it was above average. But the televoters didn’t connect with her — or vice versa — and the result was a big fat zero from them, making it the 23rd-best entry on the televoter average.
Perhaps they just saw a dirge. Who knows?
24th: United Kingdom — 62 points
Thankfully, this result doesn’t reflect the reality of the song. Joe and Jake sang and wrung every point out of it. The jury score was the highest we have had for years, meaning that we do understand what it takes to write a good song.
But eight televote points suggest that, when it comes to staging, visuals and memorability, we still have a way to go. Still, we’re getting there.
23rd: Croatia — 73 points
This is a cracking song, spoilt mostly by the “vision” bit in the title of the competition. If this had been a radio contest, without having to look at her two hideous dresses, Europe would certainly have ranked it higher.
22nd: Spain — 77 points
Flattering to deceive, as all Spanish songs do, this one was no different. Barei failed because the song simply wasn’t strong enough. It appealed to its usual constituency — Spaniards — but everyone else saw through it.
21st: Cyprus — 96 points
Just too shouty for Europe to pick up the phone. They are not used to rock in this competition and, while this was a huge slice of schlager tailored to rock, it was still too much for Europe.
