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So, for this year’s Phil Explains it all – we’re having the helpful comments of Shai along side my own (Shai is helpfully coloured in blue)- you can always rely on him!
Sweden
Hahahahahahaha! I’ve rarely laughed so much at a country’s misfortune than this bag of shit getting exactly what it deserved. No, gays, just because someone has anxiety and depression does NOT mean an automatic vote. You still need a decent song, and this was NOT a decent song. It was style over substance at its worst. What did a televoter see? Someone in a mask (for reasons) singing about her muff and her one night stand. Yeah no thanks.
Another one that was saved by the juries in the semi. On televoters alone, this would not have qualified. Estonia would have replaced this in a televote-only semi. The juries and the televoters were not impressed with Sweden and clearly both wanted this out of their system. Will SVT understand the message behind this result? Most likely not, but time will tell.
Cyprus
Talking of style over substance, again, we have this – thing. She can ‘t sing. There I said it – and I called it from the moment she opened her mouth at the dress rehearsal. So much so that Mr Deller of this parish cashed in his bet, then immediately realised that a woman with large knockers and an ass can get through by singing the Larnaca phone book. When this qualified to the final, it really, really didn’t get any better. She’s not a confident performer, she has no voice, she can barely dance, and it all added up to a mess that most people ignored – except in Greece of course! That really needs looking at as well.
She was vocally slightly better during the final than during her semi, where she was saved by the audience. They were very forgiving when it came to her vocals. 19th place is the right place for this song. Cyprus, read the memo and realise that this kind of song does not work anymore.
Malta
A song aimed purely and simply at the middle-aged men and women that make up the juries. No sane televoter could look at this and go “that one” … and so they didn’t, and I suspect the delegation knew that and is why the performance tugged at the heartstrings of those jurors.
I actually like the song. I even voted for it. My theory about this song is that its nostalgic vibes were aimed at a mature/elderly audience. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if its juries’ score came mostly from the older jurors. The televoters score is just a slap in the face from a younger generation.
Serbia
Goth metal is to be applauded when it’s in the final, because the contest is for all genres of music, and not just typical Eurovision stuff. But that type of thinking is only limited to some, and most of the Eurovision audience still thinks it’s all about plinky-plonky pop. The juries certainly haven’t moved with the times, and mostly ignored it, except for their Balkan neighbours, probably because they’d been surrounded by this kind of music. Televoters on a Saturday night saw this as being too dark for them, heard a lot of shouty things and went no… except in those very self-same Balkans.
For a music genre that is not the most popular, this seems like the right scoreboard position to land. Not completely ignoring the song, but hardly a score to set the scoreboard on fire.
Czechia
This is the first one on this list that actually confuses me. On the face of it this was an archetypical twink with an all the feelings song, sung very well by Daniel. Despite the camera foul up – remember the juries had already cast their votes on Friday evening, meaning he was the first person to score over 100 jury points in the entire show at this point. As with Malta, though, it was aimed at one part of the audience only – in this case jurors. Televoters didn’t get the memo. It was a great song, sung well with all that aforementioned emotion – a great vocal range etc. But its downfall with normal people, came down to one thing – it was very boring. So boring in fact that (like last year’s winner Wasted Love), it didn’t get going until two minutes in, by which time the average viewer of this contest had long since tuned out. Being earnest is good, being entertaining also helps.
Saved by the juries in its semi. On televote alone, Czechia would not have qualified and would have been replaced by Switzerland. Got roughly the same amount of points from the juries in both the semi and the final (108 points in the semi vs. 104 points in the final), but suffered a sharp decline from televoters between the semi and the final. Let’s face it – it wasn’t the most accessible song in this year’s lineup. Unfortunately, while technically superb, it lacked any emotional connection.
