Day Three has been difficult. “Difficult” is one word for it, anyway. The Fork awards have consequently been agony to hand out, but we have manfully persevered for you, our loyal reader.
We begin with the Bully’s Special Prizes, reserved for cases of either extreme embarrassment or extreme achievement.
Although, please hold: Phil is currently waffling about his EMA CDs.
Right. As I was saying.
PLATIN receive a Bully as the only wedding present they will ever get from us. Apparently Phil does not want us invited to the wedding. We are giving them one anyway.
Please hold once more. Phil has moved on to waffling about Misa Molk.
Back to the prizes. RE-UNION have earned their Bully through a combination of excellent taste and plain common sense. We told them that there was a nice big stage available and that they really ought to use some of it. Today, they did exactly that.
They are also, so far, the only delegation to have deposited any substantial loot in my pigeonhole. Thank you NOS!
DEEN, meanwhile, win a special prize for the most boring party Phil has ever attended. Their entertainment consisted of pictures of Bosnia and Herzegovina on a slide screen, followed by an inability to make PowerPoint move those pictures along. It was an achievement of sorts, and therefore merits recognition.
Next comes the Silver Fork for outstanding achievement. Not outstanding enough for gold, obviously, or they would have received a gold one. This year’s silver goes to Lisa Andreas.
She is being honoured for not, as far as we can tell from this angle, being Elisabeth Andreassen operating under a false name. She also wins for being an ickle girl in a big world (copyright P Colclough 2004).
Et finalement. And finally, after all that, we reach the Tom McGrath Perpetual Golden Fork, awarded in association with the Retail Jewellers of Ireland.
Fanfare. General pause. Tension builds while we work out who actually is going to win the TMPGF (iawtRJoI).
And the winner is…
All the Estonians who are not Peter the Estonian Drummer.
Frankly, they are wonderful. They are all Lovely Girls, and they are not getting a look in because their drummer is so outstandingly wonderful.
