España, vuelve cuando tengas una canción buena
If this really is the best than a rigged Spanish Final can come up with, Spain need to take the hint and go away...
Man, Manel is annoying
Oh Spain. I’m sorry Manel, but you annoy the titting crap out of me. I’m not sure how he’s ever had a lover to...
Ukrainians give good head.
So much so that the band have to prove it by sticking an eight-foot-tall papier mâché head on stage.
Don't panic, they haven't lost leave of...
Romania gives us guns, Ukraine gives us head
“I can’t hear my ears!” yells Ilinca from Romania as she starts to yodel at the start of Romania’s rehearsal. There will be those...
Sorry Tijana who are you?
Tijana appears to have stolen the intro to "About you now" for the first 15 seconds, and then veers away just before a plagiarism...
Serbia – a bit out of her depth
Serbia is the first song in the second semi-final, but we’re not neatly compartmentalised for today’s order, so we’re straddling the two.
This is my...
Hello? – Rotherham Grand? – Your lounge singer has turned up…
... Omar looks like he has a ten-year residency at said hotel, and is lazily singing his way through this song. But no amount...
Slovenia: beam me up, Omar
Omar from Slovenia is up now. I’ve already commented in my Countdown how I think he’s got an uphill struggle, and he’s not really...
Desire… Fire… Liar… Tryer… Deep-fat fryer…
Now you see, love, I'm not the only one that can rhyme fire with desire in about 95 different ways.
I also must remember that...
She’s not even singing the damn thing!
Ok so here's the thing. Patricia Kass back in Moscow ripped my heart to a thousand pieces and stopped me in my tracks. Even...