With the end in sight, I’ve packed three Eurovision gems into my bag this morning. Not long now until you get to see the full combined votes of the OnEurope jury.
Norway
This has more invention and vocal ability in the first few bars than most of the songs around it in alphabetical order, thank the Lord. It is, if anything, an old-school floor filler for about the first 40 seconds, and then you think: “It’s ‘Monsters’ by Saaaaara Alto” … and then, before you’ve completed that thought. there is some bald boy Yoiking at you in the middle eight, and you wonder if there is anything else they can shoehorn into three minutes.
The answer to that is no, but what you do have is a decent schlager song. I don’t think it’s missing anything other than a key change.
Phil’s Score – 6 points
Poland
I’m sure that this song will have its cheering clack in the semi final but I think that it is going to go no further.
The preview video is very odd, with the girls trying to get the approval of the local older ladies (and doing so). But it’s not them that they should be aiming the song at, it should be the voters and jurors of Europe. As a treat, there’s a different performance below.
Tulia are clearly betting that their modern twist on traditional Polish folk is going to get the diaspora voting in their droves. In reality, the song will come across as repetitive to the everyday voters of Europe … and very irritating.
Phil’s Score – 2 Points
Portugal
This is clearly one for the Roys of this parish to latch onto.
Conan Scissorhands brings us a song unlike virtually anything seen at Eurovision before. Conan performs rather than sings his song, and his on-stage mate gyrates with a Swiss army contraption glued to his hands. The action ends pretty sharpish when the music stops.
I am guessing its not supposed to be the novelty entry, but I fear in the Western part of Europe, that is what this is going to become.
It’s weak as a piece of performance art and as a song it’s more “what the fuck” than “good job”.
Phil’s Score – NIL Points
