Ukraine – It’s brilliant!
Nick: It really, really, is Eric Cartman made flesh. And I fear it. The guy to my left says it's like chocolate cheese. It...
German cheese
Nick: I'd like to thank all those who explained Cicero to me yesterday - and I think I get it now. It's Robbie Williams...
The Russians are coming
Phil: Still my kind of song - still the kind of thing that I like a lot, and my ilk will like as well...
The French are channeling OnEurope
I think I get this now. It's a long haired guy looking all wistful into the camera and overacting slightly whilst an oddball bald...
The Swedes are ‘all right’
Nick: Sweden are being perfectly all right. Nothing wrong with it at all, and as such it could well merit the usual Norwegian result....
Greece – stuck in a Eurovision groove
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Phil: The more I listen to this - the more I have decided that Sarbel sounds better IF you play 'Yassou...
Marcus reports …
Hanna has just done the victory V in her press conference and she scarily has the biggest forearms and biceps of any performer here...
Woman on chair with a guitar doing not a lot of...
Nick: An unusual staging here, no animations or backdrop at all, except for a set in near darkness with the musicians in silhouette behind...
It gets dark early in Finland
Phil: I understand now why this won the national final. It's archetypal Finnish ... dark and mysterious. We keep expecting it to build to...
Ireland – Ah go on, go on!
Phil: Mrs Doyle has changed her dress and any "artistic differences" with the crew have gone, and a daisy is now their background! Lovely,...