Time, my old enemy, has defeated me once again, so I won’t be boring enthralling you all with my analysis guesswork about who’s finishing where tonight – suffice to say that 17 of them are winning, 14 are coming last and the remaining 15 will be somewhere in the middle. I think by now you can probably work out for yourselves which ones are which.

Thanks also to the OnEurope Graphical Pixies, who seem to keep waving their wands (not a euphemism) around my lumpen prose (also not a euphemism) and making it look generally nicer than it does when I first hit Publish.
Enjoy the show, and in the HIGHLY unlikely event that you’re not completely fond of the winner, take a leaf out of my book from Thursday – get sweary for a couple of minutes in the room you’re in at the time, MAYBE hit Send on just the one snotty Tweet – and then celebrate the fact that the Dutch organisers and all the performers have managed to pull out a spectacular show in extraordinarily challenging circumstances. The Virtual Press Centre has been a superb innovation, and honestly it’s just such a joy to be able to say once more –
It’s Eurovision night! Enjoy the show!
It might well also be time to point my language learning owl towards the foothills of a new language, but I likely won’t decide which one until later tonight. So for now…
A MAN EATS CHEESE!!!!!
…I probably mean Geniet van de show, now I come to think of it. Ah, languages are a gift!